Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
