remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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