...so i touched it.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
wow bdsm is so cute
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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