my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
