I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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