Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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