My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His nipple licking is glorious
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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