There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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