Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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