i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
