Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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