Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
