I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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