The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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