dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize