just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
