guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
