I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
