I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
