If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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