I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
