marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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