dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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