after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
