i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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