why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
