I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
