I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
