You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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