I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
