Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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