Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
