if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
