she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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