we have officially lost it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
even my farts smell like vagina
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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