You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
