Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
