Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
