Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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