dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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