It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
