I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
