Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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