4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
