the condom got lost in my hair
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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