I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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