I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
