So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
