dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
