I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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