i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
